Insides Revealed

 F**ck Ya know, a good "F-word" is just simply needed sometimes and this is one of those times. Today, we spent 6 hours (yes, 6!) via Zoom in legal mediation on our home with the Sellers, their realtor and legal counsel, the mediator, and our attorney. I know, I know, woe is we, cause yes, we have a roof over our heads, we have heat and air and warm beds at night...so does any of that overshadow the sheer shittiness of the situation? Abso-freakin-lutely-NOT. And neither does any situation in which we may find ourselves that compared to a more extreme scenario, get diminished by the fact that it sucks for you, me or whomever in that situation. Because simply put, in our own sphere of influence, that situation is a pressure cooker that we may only feel. Just because someone else is going through something hard doesn't make one situation less important or difficult. This idea of comparative analysis was very difficult for me to overcome. Society has a great way of sticking t

June 18th, 2019, I awoke from what was a 4+ hour surgery of a total thyroidectomy. The memory of the day passed as any "normal" Thursday. Although with a global pandemic and 3 months into quarantine, nothing feels normal these days. Nevertheless, lying in bed that evening next to my wife, I simply stated out loud, "Today was one year." The acknowledgement came and passed probably undeservingly as the events leading up to the diagnosis and surgery certainly were more than brief acknowledgments. And despite the many moments before, all that I mustered to give was a nod to the year that had been marked by June 18th. All that remains is a lesser scar than I had before, a daily pink pill of 100 mcg of Synthroid in the morning, the binder of reports, statements, Imaging CDs, and a "Thyroid Master" folder of all the digital files on my computer marking the journey from the unknown to the exposure of the diagnosis. With the weight of the world's other "ca

This post has taken me a couple days...just when I thought I had my "perspective," I was presented with another one that altered my previous one and the direction of thinking I thought I was forming; the hope I thought I was returning to for humanity and the societal evolution I pray for and wish to come to fruition everyday was altered. Here's the beginning and where I "ended" in evolving my own thinking... Think about the last time something was said or done that took you so off guard you lost your breath, burst into tears, or just sat quietly thinking of all that transpired in that moment. Of all that you thought you knew, but realized you didn't. About two weeks ago, that type of event occurred in our bubble. And then just like that, it burst. For months, Noah hasn't been sleeping. Up and down, multiple times a night, long periods to put him to bed, broken sleep for us all. It's sucked. Simple as that. For most most his life really, it starte

8 weeks. That's how long since my last appointment. Which feel more and more like a blur. As does the June 18th date of my surgery. And now, another date to mark, October 9th, nearly 4 months since my surgery. Last Wednesday, before my 3:45 appointment with my Endocrinologist, I had ironically received a notification of my LabCorp blood-work to my phone just 15 minutes prior. Normally, I pop open the results ASAP as my curiosity usually gets the best of me in wanting to know where my levels are. I get more and more adept at reading my labs to understand the new number I have to check just as a Diabetic might of insulin levels. Gratefully, I don't have to check my numbers that frequently, but nevertheless, the monitoring game continues. But this time, I decided to just wait and let me doctor do their informing. I left a couple conference calls right before my appointment and shot up to the 6th floor of the medical building at the hospital campus where my doctor's office

After a whirlwind trip to Detroit for the loss of Emily's Uncle Bo, we returned on 7/29, went home, grabbed some lab orders, and I was out the door to get to a 4 o'clock LabCorp appointment for blood draw. This was "the check" to read all Thyroid levels, PTH, TSH, Calcium, Thyroglobulin and more to see if radioactive iodine therapy was going to be prescribed. The good news is, no, I do not have to have radioactive iodine! Wahoo! And really there is no "bad news," just information and next steps. One of the cancer marker tests is for Thyroglobulin (Tg)- the protein synthesized by Thyroid cells. Since I have no Thyroid, I have very few Thyroid cells (since they can't remove everything) and if both my Tg levels and Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) levels are low, that's a good indicator there is no active cancer. As the doctor said, there is no guarantee of anything at anytime and he'll be following me for life basically. So, we keep checking a

Not much has happened and yet, there is a lot going on. Emily is in the final phase of her practicum, another family visit with my Dad here to help with Noah is coming to a close in a couple weeks, and I've had a headache on the left side of my head for the past week. Although it hasn't worsened, it also isn't going away and normal remedies like Tylenol, don't seem to be helping. I'm not symptomatic in any other way in the sense of vision issues along with the headache, but it's still something I need to checkout. The Endocrinologist did get a call last week and said it probably wasn't the Synthroid, so there's that at least... Today was the next phase in repair and a return to normal. My voice has continued to ebb and flow between hoarse, tired, low, and seemingly everything in between. Monday, I was supposed to have my first Speech Therapy appointment, however, as I'm pulling off the highway at the exit to the University Hospital campus, I get a

Independence Day. 243 years old. As we marked yet another year of blasting fireworks, BBQ's, friends, family, days-off, long weekends, bad traffic, and celebration of the separation from the British colonists, I marked a different number. 16. The number of days since my surgery. And count 29 days until my next appointment with my Endocrinologist. At my annual eye exam which was this past Saturday, the 6th, they asked, "Have there been any changes or updates to your medical history?" I found myself sighing a deep breath as I recited my "lines": May 10th I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer and had a Total Thyroidectomy June 18th. The person taking the notes asked me the same questions three different ways to clearly transcribe what I had just told him. In that moment, I relived the phone call from the endocrinologist who called me with the results and the sinking feeling I had during the call at the team lunch we were holding at the time. All the appointments si