On May 16th, 2019, I privately shared a letter to some friends and family and now share the declaration of that "one word, one moment..." with you which lays the foundation for insides revealed in this perspective on my journey and discovery of thyroid cancer beginning October 2018:
Hi family and friends,
For some of you, it's been a while since we've spoken. Amazing how life can scoop us up. I think of each of you often praying you’re happy, healthy, and well.
Friday, May 10th, around lunch time, I received one of those calls that can move mountains. The call that can realign all things that seem disjunct. Bring focus to a blurry world. Reshape the misshapen. And humble the most courageous.
For the past 6 months, I've been sick. Sinus infections, bronchitis, all symptoms I've experienced before seasonally. So in due diligence, my physician ordered a CT Scan of my chest to rule out pneumonia after rounds of antibiotics were unsuccessfully clearing me of my crud. Which thankfully, she did.
November 21st, 2018, the day I received the results, I was at the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo down south near Colorado Springs with Emily, Noah, my Dad, and Betty walking along the elephant exhibit, when I received the assuring news that there was no pneumonia...and then there was the "but..." A mass was identified on my right neck. Immediately, my stomach sank. And the request was for me to get an ultrasound as soon as possible. So, I did, that afternoon, immediately scheduled with the imaging clinic to have the ultrasound performed as soon as we got back into town.
From that day forward, I have learned the art of waiting - waiting for results, exams, referrals, appointments, more results, next ultrasounds, biopsies and the like. Back to last Friday, that call was from the endocrinologist who had ordered the FNA (Fine Needle Aspiration) of my new neck tenant that had parked itself on my Right Thyroid.
January 14th, 2019, the Interventionist Radiologist who specializes in abnormal cases comes into the picture and I get yet another ultrasound to assess the current state of the cyst which has continued to push on my throat, alter my voice, and continue to make me feel plain sick.
Two weeks later, I finally get some relief. The FNA is performed to drain and biopsy the cyst. A little numbing, an hour later of lying and being needled in the neck, I can swallow and feel a release of pressure. Then the waiting I mentioned begins for the results...it's clear! The fluid is inconclusive for any cellularity which assumes no issues. Come back in 3 months, we'll check again and make sure all is right in the world they tell me...
Two months later, I'm sick again. Same sinus infection type symptoms and I figured, Spring is in the air, no question there, must be allergies, or my typical sinus infection during a change of seasons. Along with the sickness, a lump. Not as prominent, but definitely a lump, same side, same place.
April 29th, FNA, take 2! Time to drain again! This time though, the doctor goes a little more aggressive, biopsies the root of the cyst better, so much that she makes it bleed. Hopefully this time, some cells. Cells there were...
May 2nd, 2019 - Happy birthday + 1 day to me! I go to see my old Primary care and request full blood panels and help with the persistent sickness and am put on a 5 day "Z-Pack." I get slightly better, but never fully.
May 6th - Back to the radiologist. The lump is back within 4 days after the last procedure as the neck kept itching and feeling "different." I go in and confirm, yet again, the cyst has refilled. Nothing to do but wait for the ThyroSeq genetic testing (2-3 weeks they tell me…)
Now, here's the part you've been waiting for...or not. You knew from the start of this email, Chris was leading us through a journey to share probably the second worst news since he and Emily found out they weren't having a baby during IVF, the first cycle; or hearing that a family member died. The tests were positive for cancer. You read it. That one word, one moment of being told the test results were positive for a Thyroid carcinoma.
Sometimes having an answer, even when it's THAT answer is a relief. Months of mystery, assessing, changing diet, exercise, mindfulness, all of it to reveal that it was cancer. The word doesn't even feel real. I try not to own it, intentionally avoiding statements like, "I have cancer" so as not to internalize what's happening. Simply, I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer, minimizing the 'c' even feels diminishing enough to keep the diagnosis at bay.
Nevertheless, wherever we each are in our journey, this is mine. I am here, supported, loved and affirmed that this will be overcome. With the love of Emily, Noah, and hopefully you all; prayers, good vibes, healing energy - whatever form of positive support you partake in - we'll take it!
June 6th I'm scheduled a consult with the Endo-Surgeon. Supposedly one of the best in Denver, to discuss the path forward. I hope this news doesn't down your day, but I feel now more than ever, the need, want, and desire to be connected to family, blood or not. I share this as maybe a medical PSA, to be diligent with our bodies. This is but a piece of what my family and I have been discovering together the last 6 months. Which has been in tandem with Noah's ear tube surgery and adenoidectomy which was its own adventure. So, now we wait some more. For next steps, processes and procedures, explanation of benefits, copays, questions, answers, and the like. The good news is Thyroid disorders are treatable, though the idea of a daily hormone isn’t thrilling, but it is what it is.
Hope you are well. Thank you for your prayers and love.
Peace and blessings,Chris
"That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger."-Friedrich NietzscheThank you for following along and welcome to my discovery of self and a literal revealing of my insides.
-Chris