This post has taken me a couple days...just when I thought I had my "perspective," I was presented with another one that altered my previous one and the direction of thinking I thought I was forming; the hope I thought I was returning to for humanity and the societal evolution I pray for and wish to come to fruition everyday was altered. Here's the beginning and where I "ended" in evolving my own thinking...
Think about the last time something was said or done that took you so off guard you lost your breath, burst into tears, or just sat quietly thinking of all that transpired in that moment. Of all that you thought you knew, but realized you didn't.
About two weeks ago, that type of event occurred in our bubble. And then just like that, it burst. For months, Noah hasn't been sleeping. Up and down, multiple times a night, long periods to put him to bed, broken sleep for us all. It's sucked. Simple as that. For most most his life really, it started with the ear infections, the teething, illnesses...minuscule compared to what others are facing really, but that's the perspective that was put in check as of recent. We've had great support of sleep specialists, our pediatrician, sleep neurologist, and recently added to our care team, an occupational therapist. But there was something different about this person. They felt like a friend, a true caregiver who was interested in nothing more than helping us and our son exist in himself and his environment more functionally.
Unfortunately, after multiple visits to our home, some at bedtime even, we received a text from our OT that the care would cease for all clients, as their son, who had just beaten brain cancer 3 months prior, was once again facing treatment after a negative MRI scan revealed the cancer had returned since the previous remission status. We cried.
The text of their family's news was indeed "unfortunate" as it was put in the text, and not because we no longer had this great caregiver for our son, but because their son was battling something more threatening than a lack of sleep, more daunting than multiple wakings at night, but because everything seemed so trivial to what we thought we were "dealing with" at that moment in time. And has since the text two weeks ago.
I've been told I shouldn't compare to the experience of others, but how can one not? Especially when news like this hits your doorstep. When a seemingly "serious" diagnosis of Thyroid Cancer all of a sudden fails to compare to brain cancer in a mere 3 year old. How else do we bring ourselves back down to Earth and ground ourselves? I find comparing triggers the, "I'm doing better than I thought" self-talk or "You can do this!" self-encouragement speeches when they're most needed. Otherwise, for those who've not experience turmoil, sacrifice, pain, or suffering, how else do they realize the scale of those experiences? If you prick your finger, it may hurt, but if you've never slammed your finger in the door, the pain simply doesn't compare.
In hopes of finding something inspiring and heart-warming this holiday season, I found myself browsing Netflix and instead of a "White Christmas", I found myself watching a documentary on called, "American Factory," on the closure of a GM auto glass factory in Ohio that caused the loss of thousands of local jobs. 10,000 to be exact. In 2010, a Chinese investor, Chairman Cao of the Fuyao company, invested in reopening the factory. The American workers were meshed with Chinese workers in hopes of harmonizing best practices, streamlining the workforce and increasing productivity. As the workers were interviewed on both sides, I started to see that our perspectives as humans are skewed of one another more than I had previously thought. I mean "duh" right? We see it on the news everyday. We can't even agree to disagree about our president and the state of this country. Everyone must leave the argument "right" and someone in the wrong. These workers fell to $12.84 an hour from $29 doing the same work and in some cases by themselves. Many forced out by Fuyao for attempting to form a Union and simply sharing their perspectives with HR or their bosses. And the view of the workers was that everyone was out to get one another...You have to watch it, but it was extremely eye opening and sad.
So, we have health perspectives, wealth perspectives, and then there's self-perspective. Now, here's where the "self-doubt" of this post's title comes in. Today I received a Facebook message from a buyer. I recently sold an old iPad Mini in the online Marketplace thinking I was getting us some extra cash for the holidays. I knew it wasn't a "good" message. The buyer stated:
No one's perfect, but for once, I'd like to be able to just feel it for even a short while...I'll continue to try to keep perspective...and maybe one day, it will all come into focus. January 8th, 2020 - The next Thyroid perspective...Scar Update
#PrayForPaxton
Think about the last time something was said or done that took you so off guard you lost your breath, burst into tears, or just sat quietly thinking of all that transpired in that moment. Of all that you thought you knew, but realized you didn't.
About two weeks ago, that type of event occurred in our bubble. And then just like that, it burst. For months, Noah hasn't been sleeping. Up and down, multiple times a night, long periods to put him to bed, broken sleep for us all. It's sucked. Simple as that. For most most his life really, it started with the ear infections, the teething, illnesses...minuscule compared to what others are facing really, but that's the perspective that was put in check as of recent. We've had great support of sleep specialists, our pediatrician, sleep neurologist, and recently added to our care team, an occupational therapist. But there was something different about this person. They felt like a friend, a true caregiver who was interested in nothing more than helping us and our son exist in himself and his environment more functionally.
Unfortunately, after multiple visits to our home, some at bedtime even, we received a text from our OT that the care would cease for all clients, as their son, who had just beaten brain cancer 3 months prior, was once again facing treatment after a negative MRI scan revealed the cancer had returned since the previous remission status. We cried.
The text of their family's news was indeed "unfortunate" as it was put in the text, and not because we no longer had this great caregiver for our son, but because their son was battling something more threatening than a lack of sleep, more daunting than multiple wakings at night, but because everything seemed so trivial to what we thought we were "dealing with" at that moment in time. And has since the text two weeks ago.
I've been told I shouldn't compare to the experience of others, but how can one not? Especially when news like this hits your doorstep. When a seemingly "serious" diagnosis of Thyroid Cancer all of a sudden fails to compare to brain cancer in a mere 3 year old. How else do we bring ourselves back down to Earth and ground ourselves? I find comparing triggers the, "I'm doing better than I thought" self-talk or "You can do this!" self-encouragement speeches when they're most needed. Otherwise, for those who've not experience turmoil, sacrifice, pain, or suffering, how else do they realize the scale of those experiences? If you prick your finger, it may hurt, but if you've never slammed your finger in the door, the pain simply doesn't compare.
In hopes of finding something inspiring and heart-warming this holiday season, I found myself browsing Netflix and instead of a "White Christmas", I found myself watching a documentary on called, "American Factory," on the closure of a GM auto glass factory in Ohio that caused the loss of thousands of local jobs. 10,000 to be exact. In 2010, a Chinese investor, Chairman Cao of the Fuyao company, invested in reopening the factory. The American workers were meshed with Chinese workers in hopes of harmonizing best practices, streamlining the workforce and increasing productivity. As the workers were interviewed on both sides, I started to see that our perspectives as humans are skewed of one another more than I had previously thought. I mean "duh" right? We see it on the news everyday. We can't even agree to disagree about our president and the state of this country. Everyone must leave the argument "right" and someone in the wrong. These workers fell to $12.84 an hour from $29 doing the same work and in some cases by themselves. Many forced out by Fuyao for attempting to form a Union and simply sharing their perspectives with HR or their bosses. And the view of the workers was that everyone was out to get one another...You have to watch it, but it was extremely eye opening and sad.
So, we have health perspectives, wealth perspectives, and then there's self-perspective. Now, here's where the "self-doubt" of this post's title comes in. Today I received a Facebook message from a buyer. I recently sold an old iPad Mini in the online Marketplace thinking I was getting us some extra cash for the holidays. I knew it wasn't a "good" message. The buyer stated:
I’m going to be turning you into Facebook and filing a report unless you refund me my money. This is not an iPad mini 2, it is an iPad mini 1.My stomach sank. (What did I get wrong? I verified the Serial Number...I checked viable applications for the version...What did I miss?) I was sincerely apologetic, assuring her we'd figure this out and if needed, of course I would refund the money. I reached out to my IT network and asked for guidance. I was clearly confused and missed a step and now have created this online distrust with a buyer. This entire event equated to the self-doubt that I'm still processing. The questions and many more circle my mind and at the end of the day, I refunded the money of course, but also simply told the buyer to keep it. All of it. The iPad Mini, that did end up being an iPad Mini first generation, not the 2 I thought I had put up for sale, and all the accessories. "Merry Christmas" I said. It was 6 years old and had been sitting for months. Couldn't be updated past iOS 9.3.6 and I was just so embarrassed by my mistake that I could't bare to deal with this situation any more. She was "happy" in the end and grateful and I was just wondering how I screwed up so bad...self-doubt...of my knowledge, my answers, my everything from that one interaction with a complete stranger, who I thought I had sold a good "deal."
No one's perfect, but for once, I'd like to be able to just feel it for even a short while...I'll continue to try to keep perspective...and maybe one day, it will all come into focus. January 8th, 2020 - The next Thyroid perspective...Scar Update
#PrayForPaxton