June 18th, 2019, I awoke from what was a 4+ hour surgery of a total thyroidectomy. The memory of the day passed as any "normal" Thursday. Although with a global pandemic and 3 months into quarantine, nothing feels normal these days. Nevertheless, lying in bed that evening next to my wife, I simply stated out loud, "Today was one year." The acknowledgement came and passed probably undeservingly as the events leading up to the diagnosis and surgery certainly were more than brief acknowledgments. And despite the many moments before, all that I mustered to give was a nod to the year that had been marked by June 18th.
All that remains is a lesser scar than I had before, a daily pink pill of 100 mcg of Synthroid in the morning, the binder of reports, statements, Imaging CDs, and a "Thyroid Master" folder of all the digital files on my computer marking the journey from the unknown to the exposure of the diagnosis.
With the weight of the world's other "cancers" on society: racial injustice, police violence, systemic racism, and discrimination, in comparison, Thyroid Cancer seems diminished in such a way that it didn't deserver anything more than the pause I gave to its memory...even months later. And of course, COVID-19 has latched itself into all areas of the world in such a way that the way out seems distant and clouded.
My heart and mind are heavy. As I wrote this around 2:26 AM months ago...I woke in pain. Down my left hip to my knee shot in the dark an ache at 11:30 and I couldn't return to bed. I took an Advil around midnight as I finally couldn't take the discomfort much longer. Recruiting my CPT (Certified Personal Trainer) knowledge and training, I started mobilizing it and stretching as best I could with every apparatus I had in my bag. From Rock Floss, foam roller, mobility ball, ice pack, and bands, I took an hour and a half alone to get the pain and discomfort to subside.
The last 5 months or so of working from home has taken its toll. My chair broke at some point recently and is no longer supporting well enough. The sit-stand desk I could use in one office at the many buildings we support remains lowered, sitting in the abandoned office awaiting our return one day. Accommodations need to change at home to sustain the operation and environment in which I will continue to work for the remainder of the year. Costco to the rescue in which I did finally get a new chair that didn't break the bank. And today, a table top sit-stand is on its way.
The heavy heart originates from George Floyd's murder, Breanna Taylor's murder, Michael Brown's murder, Eric Garner's murder, and the many more unnecessary loses of life in our nation. What is it going to take to convince the masses of those who still believe that systemic racism and white on black crime are real? I often find myself without the words to rebut an ignorant post; exhausted by reposting or repeating the same lines of "Black Lives Matter" because so many are deaf to the cause and movement at play.
Yet, at the same time, there are so many of us who are awakening. Many more who do respect and recognize that there is an issue that we are responsible for solving. Not our black and brown siblings who have been trying to solve their issues for years. But we, the allies who are being called to stand up and speak, fight, and no longer tolerate the killings that are happening before us because power, corruption, and racism have seeded their way into our systems that are supposed to "serve and protect."
The "life we lead" is a reflection of all that we profess to believe. The life we lead is where we stand up and say, "no more!" The life we lead is not some half-in/half-out game we can just shuffle the deck with and hope we get a better hand. We have to put all chips on the table, say we won't stand for it anymore and recognize first and foremost that there has been a problem brewing for 510 years since African slaves were entrapped by the Spanish and Portuguese that began a timeline with no return.*
Thyroid cancer is the least of my issues these days. The disengaged family, friends, and countless others who refuse to recognize there is work to do, and yes, we are responsible. As human to human. Stand up and fight for the rights of others so that they may have the same comfort and solace to know that one day they too can walk or run down the street without being afraid of losing their own life. #BlackLivesMatter #EnoughIsEnough #antiracist