When was the last time you pulled an "all-nighter?" My calculations put me around 15-17 years ago when I was last in college. And here, at 2:09 AM, I find myself again wandering through my thoughts, attempting to find motivation, inspiration, and simply completion of a final term paper for my Masters class. Those all-nighters actually began in high-school and were coupled with a bottle of caffeine pills-which probably resulted in my now being immune to that stimulant, cause it now has no effect on me. Plus a DNA test showed I don't metabolize it, so who knows how that all happened.
With the MCU Timeline series in the background to "keep me company" (Thanks Captain America), a pack of graham crackers (what am I, 5?), a completed bottle of Muscle Milk, and feeling the weening of the 5 Hour Energy I inhaled just after 11, things are going swimmingly (But are they really?)
In college, all those years ago, I was formally diagnosed with ADD/ADHD (can't remember which). It served one purpose, an extension on a final exam so I could close out my Bachelor's Degree and hopefully move on from one of the hardest things I went through in that period of life: "Leaving" my alcoholic mother and putting up boundaries, before the word was really ubiquitous.
These all-nighters are funny. I "see" things in a different light, with a clarity, yet completing the primary task at hand still feels "blocked." Why? Why is it that I know what I need to do and truly want to do, yet, I want nothing to do with it? In the time since I ventured to the basement to "focus," I've drained the weep-valve on our sprinkler water line to finish that project (the lines were blown out today by our local lawn-guy), I've researched with ChatGPT the ongoing legal case we've been in regarding build issues and seller non-disclosures on our home-trying to find anything that could help us and learn anything I can about the builder's past (Read more on that saga <here>). #RabbitHole
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I'm back, guess where I went? Yup, back to ChatGPT, cause I got an idea about having it help me "focus" on why my ADHD is still managing my life after 40 years on this planet...sigh...will I ever learn?